Family disputes

Tomoro coming in April
wat will happen good or bad ?
who can foretell the future
tell me

I hopes everything smoothly
whatever respects good
I just hope not let me like now so uncomfortable

now
let me easiest crying or family problems
never changed
only they affect my mood


this month I lost a lot of tears
let me powerless
perhaps family childhood very attention me relations
I can't be ignored family


yesterdays
I'm alone in a drink driving to the beach pontian
I have taken the first step from home
I have tears to cry in the car
dunno where to go


when I am not happy
I just wan to go to the beach
sea breeze will clear a lot of people
at least I will not shed tears
but I have a bad habit
is a bad mood to drink beer


I like to go clubbing
just simple like drinking and dancing
no other reason


I just feel very helpless
why does my dad have the time to reason things outsiders
why don't spend a little time to care about his daughter ?
I dunno tat

I've done things to make him happy
I care so much about his feelings
why cannot he for the first while I feel well ?

I have been patient
patience has limits
you want me to have something on his mind tell you
you will say I get you dilemma

how do you want me to tell you ?
can you understand ?
what I want ?

X not spoiled X

X not money X

X not enjoy X

X not momentum X

what I need is a sense of security

I don't want the rich .

I don't want your sacrifices for our enjoyment .

I would rather do anything .

I am willing to endure hardship .

烦恼

一切都已经结束了

我是不是可以松口气了呢？

哪怕是最后一面也没见

我相信我不会后悔的

还记得前一个晚上

诗嘉就一直叫我去宿舍看多最后一次

真的有那个必要吗？

不需要

既然当初是我选择潇洒的离开

我就不应该再回头

好呗

就是这样彻底的结束

以后不会再提到他了

因为他已经从我的世界消失了

所谓不听老人言吃亏在眼前

我是不是真的应该为了爸爸的话

而放弃我一直想要追求的行业呢？

说真的

我很不想要放弃

所以我决定跟他对抗

打赌二年

我的成就会实现在他眼前

让他知道我追求的一点也没错

但是我很了解

这个事情的沉重压力很大

两年以后

就是21岁的时候

我是不是真的有个能力

每个月赚RM3000左右的薪水回家

我相信美容的行业应该可以上轨

然而因为我现在上的英文学院还没读完

差不多还剩下三个月

也就是六月的时候就能摆脱了

我毕竟读完这个课程才能追求我要的

不可能交了钱不读吧？

所以这三个月肯定可以平静渡过

但是三个月后呢？

我跟爸爸的战争就要上场了

我能够为了追求事业放弃爱情

是不是同样也能为了事业

放弃亲情呢？

我想我没有办法做到

却得不到爸爸的赞同做我想做的行业

人都是自私的

你敢说你自己不自私吗？

总觉得我的时间不够用

是我要求太多还是我一直想要快搞出成绩呢？

有时候蛮羡慕一些女生的

为什么她们能够做个小女人服侍另一半

而我却做不到这一点呢？

那么拼

是为了证明些什么？

婶婶要我想清楚

我追求的是什么

金钱？

事业？

孩子的妈

当一个宝宝来到这个世上

你知道是什么感觉吗？

或许你会觉得他是带给你的包袱

或许你会觉得他是带给你的阻碍

它确实是个无辜的“小生命”

单亲妈妈的心情

不是任何人能够理解

有时候我会羡慕早婚的人

但却很怕看到悲观的结局

一个孩子在不完整的家庭成长

那是多久的可怜呀

你让它一出世就要尝试家庭破裂的痛苦

那么何必要让他来世上受苦呢？

但是如果身边有个伴就不一样了

至少还有个人会为你分担

你能想象穿上婚纱后的自己吗？

而当你从家里的大门一嫁出去

爸爸的感受是什么呢？

他告诉我

[我嫁了..他也少了一个沉重的负担和松口气了]

[嫁出去的女儿等于泼出去的水]

当你踏出了家里的大门

你是否可以真正的嫁入一个幸福美满的家庭呢？

老公是不是真的可以跟你长相厮守？

会不会一切完美呢？

10月怀胎的过程

就是母亲的伟大

教导一个孩子并不是件容易的事情

自己都还未成长

你要怎样教你的心肝宝贝呢？

今天去逛了一整天婴儿商店

因为我要买婴儿的衣服和用品

感受到那种当妈妈的心情

既期待又兴奋

当你在挑baby衣服的时候

你会情不自禁的想到穿着这些衣服的baby

是不是很可爱呢？

【给你】

昨晚失眠了

这几天都一直在重复听着

[说谎]

[ HOW DO I LIVE]

知道这两首歌的意义的人

只有我和他

所以希望他可以看到这篇专[给他]的日记..

我很少会要用华语写日记..

这几天

脑海里一直浮现出和他在一起的画面

虽然现在闹得很难堪

但是以前的回忆却是还在我记忆里的

希望你也是

第一眼

上班看见你

印象不错

你教会了我很多东西

明明是认识第一天

但是我们的同事关系却很要好

还记得第一天放工回到宿舍

没人陪我

你洗了澡之后跑下来楼下跟我说话

做工的你和放工的你

简直不一样

在上班的你比较帅

在宿舍的你很像小孩子

还记得我们一开始的话题

就是你说我跟别的女生不一样

怎么不会在意男生抽烟

不知不觉

我们变成了连体婴

做什么事情都是一起的

完全不在乎别人的眼光

很多人都在传我们的绯闻

但当时我们确实只是很要好的同事

我们相处很特别

都是很暴力的对待对方

从来都没有手下留情过

还记得有个夜晚

我还和他一起跑回kampung找朋友喝茶呢

凌晨三点左右才回家

隔天做工累死了

久而久之

变成了大家所谓的暧昧

我们却从来也没正式谈论过这话题

就一直很沉默

因为我们都觉得这样反而最好

常常因为某些小事吃醋

而我们开心的回忆呢？

我叫他[老的]

他叫我[小的]

- 每天早上他去做工前都会留下纸条给我

- 当然如果我做早班就是我留纸条给他

- 用手帮我洗衣服

- 每次吃饭时,拔虾给我吃

- 帮我收拾房间

- 怕我冷到..拿他的被给我盖

- 我叫他做的事从来也没miss过

做工的时候

我常会大声地呼喊他

[在跟谁sms] [&$%^#^&%] [动手打人]

他也是有迁就我的时候

我不想做东西的时候

他都会帮我做

自从我来做工以后

他也很少跟别的女生有任何联络了

很多人都在帮我们牵红线

尤其是[奶奶]

2月17日

好像是这个日期

我们正式在一起

但是

渐渐地

很多东西都变了

他开始管着我

占有欲很强

让我很想逃

你知道你让我最生气的是什么吗？

就是你很喜欢在我身上用激将法

我告诉过你没用的

你还是坚持要继续使用

我不喜欢你在顾客面前给我脸色看

对待顾客本来就该面带笑容

不要因为对方是男生

你就吃醋

我不知道你是有心还是有意

我叫你别绑我绑得太紧

你却连一封sms也不会给我

问你为什么

你说是我叫你不要绑我的

什么道理

失去了信任

失去了感觉

失去了温暖

每天吵架的日子

已经让我对这段感情冷淡了

而你却瞒着我做很多事情

我知道

你只是想看我生气跟你发脾气

才会做那些事情出来

但真的不要挑战我的耐性

我会吃醋

但是你故意要我表现出来

我越不会让你知道我在乎

当爱变成恨

说什么都已经没用了

唯一的方法

只有离开

我走的很洒脱

一点牵挂也没有

一滴眼泪也没流下

你不甘心

很正常

直到

知道你将要被调职的时候

心里才对你有些牵挂

或许我们是因为寂寞才在一起

或许我们根本不爱对方

但是

那些发生过的回忆

我们不能当作没有发生过

那些回忆

还在你心里吗？

你还会想起之前的回忆吗？

只想跟你说

我不会忘记你的

或许

这个星期对我来说很难熬

我不会去你的欢送会

但是我会祝福你一路顺风

或许

以后也不会再见面了

或许

我们彼此只是个过路客

太多的或许

是我们说不完的

最后一次这样叫你

老的。

保重。

谢谢你曾经参与过我的生活。

before 和 after 的我

.

.

.

之前答应过某个online朋友..

要给她看我之前的样子..

但是一直没有upload到..

因为最近比较忙的关系..

今天有些兴致..

所以就上来写写了..

因为很多人不相信我改变很大..

从 75 kg 瘦到 52 kg..

看不出吧？

但这是事实哦..

瘦下来的期间..

我没有吃减肥药..是真的..

不过我最谢谢的还是有几位伤我心很深的男生..

因为他们的嫌弃..

让我失去了信心..

几年以来每天都很荒废..

就是这样我才瘦了下来..

.

.

.

.

.

.

.

(不要吓到)


这个是最胖时期的我..

75 kg..

2004年的时候..简直就是没想过减肥..

身边好友也是“胖胖家族”..

所以我没有什么毅力减肥..


记得最高记录是：我每次吃maggie米粉可以一次过吃3包哦..




这个是2005年的时候..

因为跟某个男生出去逛街..

因为我太肥的关系..

隔天他直接不理我..不敢跟我联络了..

(男生就是爱看样子)

我开始下决心..

一定要让他刮目相看!!!



这个是我 form 2 停学时期..

在新加坡学头发一阵子的时候..

慢慢变美了..

开始会注重打扮..



这是2007 年的照片..

因为后悔没读书的关系..

爸爸帮我申请回去学校读书..

当时要考PMR..也就是form 3的时候..

我下定决心用心读书..

所以把我的长发剪掉了..



17岁的样子..

这一年的我很叛逆..

一直在家造反..

但是唯一的就是..

因为爱情也让我很不快乐的1年..

在同一个人的身上跌了3-4次..



还在学校最后一年的我..

很注重自己的外表..

人靠衣装..佛靠金装..

不打扮怎样见人？



2010 年1月头的我..

还是摆脱不了可爱的幼气..

因为我一向来都很喜欢走“可爱路线”..

所以常被朋友说我..

“几岁了哦..以为还小灭？”



现在的我..

20 mar 2010..

前面头发又剪回刘海了..

感觉又好像变回小孩子..

但是却是成熟很多的女人..

我的要求很高..

(不懂是不是被我老爸影响)

对自己的要求更高..

(我太大女人主义)

不知何时开始..

我对任何人都不会温柔不会小鸟依人..

曾经有个ex告诉我..

我太过有主见了..

为什么不会像别人的女朋友一样..

偶尔撒撒娇..温柔..细心的对待自己的boyboy ？

看到自己的boyboy跟别的女生sms..

为什么不会无理取闹跟他吵架？生气？

他宁愿我生气跟他吵架..也不要我当作理所当然..

但是我不这么觉得..

为什么要因为这样小的事情就要吵架呢？

我觉得很无谓勒..

两个人在一起并不是说什么都要控制对方的..

基本的信任一定要有..

是你的就是你的..不是你的就不要强求..

对爱情的观念改变了..

我不再执着的放不下过去..放不下任何一个前男友..

毕竟拥有过的回忆还是存在真实的..

值得珍惜的并不只有爱情..

自己的未来..

才是真正让我恼奥的..




你知道吗？


其实拥有自己事业的女人才是最让人佩服的。

miss people's feelings

do you noe miss the taste ?

I thought for a long time didn't appear that feeling..

bitter taste..

I was too stubborn relations ?

I don't care..

becoz I now focus on my career..

should be able to while waiting for him..

but...

2 years..

I can wait for him come back ?

in other countries..

he really be able to guarantee the same heart ?

I'm not holding high hopes..

expect there will be a disappointment..

Let it like...

it is unfortunate that..

even before he left the fateful day known to have feelings..

too late to tell him..

at the expense of my sleep time..

sms with him until he was on the plane..

he told me all hos thoughts and feelings..

I can wish for him presented only..

The first semester summer holidays..

he told me that had set the ticket..

he will be back..on Jun 2010..

he said he came back..

will definitely help me celebrate my birthday..

I look forward to the day..

kept trained on..

to remain in malaysia until 3 month..

I told him I would wait for him to come back..

although it is a long..

but I can busy my business and wait for him..

time should be off soon..

..突然有感触才写的..

..虽然与事业比起来我根本不注重爱情了..

..这是我第一次还会有点挂念人的感触..

手术室的那一天

tis is my relapse medicine..

my old illness had been 4 years without a relapse..

I'm very familiar and strange..

My stomach has a (water tumors)..

It is in my stomach which has been 5 years..

once every years..

becoz of recurrence of the pain..

let me into the hospital at midnight..

tis is good enough..

becoz I reluctantly to the following morning..

the day before admission into the hospital..

Into the operating room at that moment..

I am more afraid of playing anesthesia needle..

general anesthesia..

but the conscious is very hard..

made me cry out loud..

I sleep all day..

every 2 hour..

nurses would come in to help me injections..

my hands are numb..

no response..

when I fell asleep..

I found someone moving my feet..

the results opened his eyes a look..

turned out to be one of my frenz andd my ex bf..

I went straight up and was scared..

how they will appear in tis ?

when the afternoon..

my ex bf asked the hospital where I live..

I don't tell him..

how they will find it ?

curious..

then they go after..

is also packaged to gv me something to eat..

I noe tat he was concerned about me..

regardless of the identity of a frenz in his capacity as ex bf..

I'm very grateful to him specially to see me..

has now been recovered..

there is a good wound is not so fast..

hope tis will not occur again after problems

Farewell party at 大嘴巴

Farewell party..

in order to go to Taiwan to study organized by a friend..

tat is zhi hao and zi hao..

the source of tis photo funny..

is tat I put my N96 on someone elde's rear..

then I quickly pressed the time ran out of step..

after a car we don't let him off..

a result..he high-lights to shoot us..

is even more ridiculous encounter a police car..

we're engaged in wat he thought..

about 12:oo a.m.

we let's go eating mcdonal..

I am forced to require all people called the same food..

just becoz I wan to take pictures.. : p

wahaha...

he is zhi hao..


he seemed to feel afraid I eat him ?


do you feel tis ?

tis is wen jie..

I told him to talk less..

however..they shoot a good photo as a mark..

tis is zi hao..

I know with him 10 ++ years..

from elementary school to now o...

and tis is qi shen..

he is also the primary and I realize tat now..

he will bring sunglasses becoz the eye needle..

the last one is ..

our squad leader..

his nickname is called xiao xiao li..

he is a funny boy..

The girls love freedom..

Gemini girls..

don't like constraint..

a lot of trick..

there are different emotional day..

difficult to grasp touch..

more serious is the big girls doctrine..

Can you grasp this girls ?

yes...

tis's me..

how many individuals can bear it ?

I don't noe..

tis type of girls is not very difficult to reach people ?

what is slut ?

what is a misunderstanding ?

people like me are most likely to encounter these two problems..

why do I say tis ?

I am a straightforward girl..

personality fit together to try..

not suitable for the spread..

I don't like persists in arguing endlessly..

when I want to leave the time..

I can go a very free and easy..

becoz I don't insist..

tis is my personality..

I told the girls not the same as the other..

served as my BF who should know..

I didn't like a baby..

don't rely on my BF..

will not be gentle..

did not see it everyday it does not matter..

together is to trust each other..

if you would be suspicious..

do good with less direct..

perhaps tis hard to accept..

but I don't wan to be artificial girl..

also make sense..

before might have too much love a person..

been repeated injury to the relationship between class times..

let me awake much more..

while everyone needs love..

but people always selfish..

where better to advance to their own..

my dedication very heavy..

in addition career and family now..

I have nothing to pay attention..